this might be a lengthy one. avid readers of this blog would realise that despite some outpours of the heart, outpours are still kept generalised somehow... this entry is no different, though i must admit i don't think it's an outpour, since my emotions are kept very much in-checked this very moment (so won't go berserk and write all sorts of depressive stuff- not that i am depressed, just figurative speech).

i've been contemplating through many things lately, like i told a friend, actually it's not many- just that my head seems really filled with thoughts that it seems much. i've been thinking about the same few things actually, again and again, like a broken recorder that won't stop playing. and i'm glad things are three quarters sorted out- at least in my head they are.

one pertinent issue had to do with an outward expression, outward declaration, which i found myself not that comfortable with. and i know that as i trudge forward, i have to face it, because i don't see any point in delaying... when i know i've to face it again. maybe buying time can be good, but how much time would i need? i know i did not impulsively decide on signing up, in fact i ruminated much about the matter prior to registering. (okay people who do not know what i'm talking about should be really lost by now, my sincere apologies). whether there is a crux of this problem, but i think the 2 biggest points would be 1) my past, 2) stereotypical views. the first is a huge holding back factor, my sentimentality involved, past loyalties, and despite me knowing at the back of my head that the probability of going back isn't that great. although the second point sounds pretty shallow, it really isn't. because the first point created this huge mental wall which i only managed to break down by increasing awareness and exploring on my own. i guess being the idealist i am, knowing that there is a negative area makes things hard to embrace. but i really think what a particular d friend said is very true, that even if some people are like that, you can be different, a proud (insert issue here).

digressing, the d friend made a good observation, that singapore scriptwriters are good but seem to touch on the same issues over and over. caught second link today, was really pretty good. okay, gone now. night folks!