it might be a morbid thought, actually i did touch on this topic before - death. but today, instead of talking about the noun itself, i was just envisaging how my funeral would be like... the physical aspects like flowers, music, basically the whole setting and the mood. it would be solemn, yes, but not overly serious that it becomes full of grieving and sadness. the latter would be present, but i hope it's because i was someone to them, and not someone to the world (if you get what i mean, because we really don't belong to the world). and i'm thinking, what would people say about me? would my life been well-lived, because if it was i think it should show in what the people i care about would say. and i think essentially i would like to say, 'i have fought the good fight, i have finished the race, i have kept the faith' - 2 timothy 4:7, a much quoted verse i know, but i think this verse resounds!

okay, so moving away.. i keep on asking myself, especially in the process of membership class the reason why i hopped (if you know what i mean you'll know). and gradually i think i can explain why, though not definitely because i believe that for some things to happen it takes a whole culmulation of reasons (and there's no way you can just pinpoint one).

and you know the more i think, the less i talk, in the sense that even if i do jabber, it's really more jabbering than talking what i think.. especially in a big group, maybe i just find it hard to share within a bigger group, and better one-to-one, public speaking phobia!! but it's the way one is wired i suppose, so few would actually think (i think) that i dwelve a lot on stuff.

okay, actually got lots of things to clear - physically especially, need to pack up my stuff on my tables (it's plural). des (don't think you visit so better remind you somehow) and jon, do remember to fill up the observation thingy for me (it's by mon right?). will do yours too.. ;)