if you're not christian, you may not wish to read further
(not that i am going to force christianity down your throat with my post)

for the longest time, i felt very uncomfortable when people who were outrightly in-your-face horrible, terrible, idiotic, irritating people turned out to be christians.

it's odd how i never bothered to piece the pieces together, except feel sick to the point that it got nauseating.

but that's the point.

God loves everyone, His love isn't for those who care, but truly, every single one of us in the world.

and before i continue, and before you come to judge me as some hypocrite, well, i wish to say i try my very best not to be those aforementioned people. sometimes to the extent of not even proclaiming my faith. because i knew what a bad person i was, and i just didn't want to spoil christianity for people.

won't expound on that topic today though, feeling utterly lethargic, and trying to muster up energy to do the things i really need to do (prog budget, qt, amongst others).

anyway back to them, i try my best not to judge them, for the only reason being i know i have no right to. but somehow, feeling sick about their behavoir and judging are 2 different matters. the former being to a direction reaction to their acts, whereas the other requires comparison to maybe even yourself. one is more of a natural reaction, the other also pretty natural, but with some ill intent. anyway not expounding on that here...

so yes, the point is, essentially. we should feel proud of our faith, and sometimes i have this feeling christians don't believe enough (as what rev michael tan said in today's sermon). because Christ did die for us on the cross! and i think i too lack in that aspect, i need to believe more, and the correct word is 'conviction'.

i need to be more convicted, much much more.

[edit below]

just found this paragraph whilst reading 'mere christianity' (yes i've been at this book for the longest time). it really spoke to me, in a way.

'on the whole, God's love for us is a much safer subject to think about than our love for Him. Nobody can always have devout feelings: and even if we could, feelings are not what God principally cares about. Christian Love, either towards God or towards man, is an affair of the will. If we are trying to do His will we are obeying the commandment, 'Thou shalt love the Lord thy God.' He will give us feelings of love if He pleases. We cannot create them for ourselves, and we must not demand them as a right. But the great thing is that, though our feelings come and go, His love for us does not. It is not wearied by our sins, or our indifference; and therefore, it is quite relentless in its determination that we shall be cured of those sins, at whatever cost to us, at whatever cost to Him.' - c.s. lewis, mere christianity (on the topic of charity)