i will never ever touch physical chem again, or anything related to it, unless i fail the paper that is.

looks like i'm going to take more organic and biochem/ medchem related mods. seriously *beep* to calculations.

the big problem for me today was, the WHOLE paper was calculations. it was strewn with it, every single damn question. my biggest nightmare, yes, my worst fear, yes, all numbers. this week is a terrible week, wed is calculus, which is again all numbers, which is reasonable for math... but i hate math. i don't hate numbers, i think i'll like to read up on investments, i just dislike math. though someone might come and say math is numbers, oh whatever la i can't be bothered to distinguish between the 2.

so yes, this bloody paper is going to pull my gpa down. cos i didn't think i would need to su it. oh yea, did i mention it's worth 4 credits, which is a heckload. normal mods are only worth 3.

the best part is last year i went into the exam hall for same subject, and i went in dunnohowmanymins late and i got a b+ for it. compared to this time, i went in there without an ounce of feeling that i'd study, now i read through my notes, but the more i read, the more confused i got. seriously i shouldn't have read anything but my a level stuff, i think that would have been more useful. or maybe i should have got the textbook...

i shouldn't rant. but i'm just irritated that i'm so bad with calculations, even if i master the 'method' of a particular calculation, careless me will make a careless mistake. so i suppose it's really not in my blood to calculate anything scientifically or mathematically. i hate it when people can walk out of there saying the paper was peanuts, and not genius people, but normal people like you and me. i hate it when i don't know what the heck i was writing when i cared.

and that's why most of the time i don't care, i don't bother because i don't want to be disappointed. so maybe i'm childish and immature, or a reclusive hermit, but the biggest irony is my greatest desire requires me to care about so many other things, to be disappointed. and maybe that's the biggest reason why i'm so mad, because i'm 'forced' to care, and no there's no way i can drop my dream.