another rant

when you're not having fun, time really crawls.

i hate the course i'm doing now, and i can't help but hate it more. so many times i find myself back at square one, hating myself for not wanting med more last time. maybe if i had been in worst circumstances, it would have been greater inspiration to work to get out of it.

no no i'm not blaming anyone. i'm just...

ranting?

i'm just trying to persuade myself to not float through this course. like a meander, i'm just floating in it, not moving faster than it's going. who knows, i might even be going slower than the pace of others, falling behind. which i think i am, but that's besides the point now. so yes, i need to be a shark, going at full throttle, *dum dem dum dem dum dem* always the aggressor, always ahead of the pack.

i hate losing again. losing means getting a GPA below 4.0. losing means being behind the pack. and i think my biggest motivation i can muster up now is that i hate to lose.

cindy tay's leaving this sunday. good bye my dear teacher. think she's far too busy to meet up with me, and she forgot all about tennis this wed morning...

it's okay, life is good.

it's just that i hate myself for being so weak. weak and yet competitive, how's that even logically possible.

survival of the fittest in competition, so logically the weak should be extinct.

okay, i need to preoccupy my time with more beneficial stuff. i should keep my blog surfing to a bare minimum.

i think the internet to me is more of a bane than a boon. does anyone realise that we've kind of forgotten how we used to pass our time when there was no wor.ldwi.deweb? no ms.n/ ic.q/ ir.c/ email/ blo.gs/ frien.dster.

added the dots in a naive hope that stupid search engines won't come up with my blog when anyone types those keywords.

on another note,

chinese new year was awfully boring this year. only spent the first day visitng and playing a wee bit of blackjack. no noise, hardly any festive mood.

and i think it's just going to go downhill from here... until everyone starts having kids and the cycle just goes on again. upwards, upwards, and then down down down.

i miss the days when me and my cousins would just play blackjack with 20cents. how happy we were to earn meagre profits from that once-a-year gambling affair.

those days are gone.

so i played a bit of poker with my family (me, mum, sis and dad). it was really unusual cos it's just so odd trying to 'bluff' your family members that you have great cards when it fact it sucked. my mum and sis weren't the normal poker people, they followed all the way, that kind of people.

it was fun though. should make this an annual affair... ;)

i'll end with, gong xi fa cai everyone! xue ye jin bu! nian nian you yu! shen ti jian kang!

do pardon my lousy hanyu pinyin.