sometimes i wonder why i even talk to some people about really private things. logically i would choose to keep it, but somehow i just needed to get some things off my chest.

maybe i haven't found someone that i can really and truly confide in. so maybe i should just stop trying, because they listen as though it's something trivial. oh yea right, don't you realise i don't feel that comfortable sharing a part of me with you? but i thought relationships were meant to be that way, sharing, being there for one another. or maybe i thought wrong.

it's so much easier to just be a loner, don't have to give a hoot about anyone but yourself. yea, it sounds so fucking selfish i know, but it's really for the best, care for no one but yourself. not in a narcissistic way, but more for not being hurt in the process of caring for others. imagine this, you put yourself out there, hoping that the person can try to understand what you're going through. and then you realise the person isn't even trying, or trying much too feebly that requires hardly any effort.

i hate school, i really do. and now the worst part is i don't even think i've got any more close friends.

i wish i could go back to sec 4. the biggest exam in the world was the Os, friends stuck by you in a way that actually felt genuine. now? i really don't know.

even my ij friendships, those i thought that were the strongest, are maybe crumbling away.

so what am i left with? no friends.

well, maybe that's for the best.