and again i wonder, why do people change.

we've come a long way, from who we were when we first saw the world. how much we have grown, all these years, and to think we were once so small we could only be seen using a microscope. the wonders of science, and yet the wonders of our subconscious state, that marvels me much much more.

when we think about it. there's actually so much in this world that we do not know, and so much that we are not in control of at all. we are at the mercy of something, something so much bigger than us, and even this world. perhaps that is why we believe in faith, in a religion, or even in a simple belief of ideology. in the hopes that one day, we might know a little more about who we are.

me? i struggle with my faith, sincerly do. and yet, i find myself being brought back to it time after time. i know i need to believe in a truth that i view is the absolute truth, if i were to exist in this world. this world is filled with so much grey, life's just so messy, i know i need to know what's black and what's white to make it feel meaningful.

sometimes i wonder what i'm rambling about. sometimes i really don't know, sometimes i just hate feeling so small, hate feeling not in control. and even when i do feel big and mighty and in control, there's always this nagging thought that one day i won't. because ultimately there is something bigger than i, fact, not fiction, which i can't run away from. i guess i would like to if i could, denial is just so sweet, that way we can make life seem like a fairy tale, but no, i feel i'm denied denial.

and i know i've just digressed terribly from my starting sentence...

sigh