YAY!

holidays next week.

liberation!

actually it's not as if my term has been very busy and stressful. in fact school has been rather slack for me.

it's just that, i think i said it earlier, i'm still not 100% into the full swing of things, in fact i don't think i'm even halfway there. i think i've been really too used to being spoonfed, with some rigid discipline system in place. when there is a lack of discipline in the school system, i just slacken off.

in sec sch i hardly skipped school. even if i was very tired, there will be some unknown force that will drag me to school. i think the only time where i began skipping (more) was in sec 4. but i can safely say i skipped less than 10 days in my whole secondary school life.

then came jc, and you are viewed as a 'young adult', and are accorded with more freedom and the benefit of doubt. skipped lectures, skipped school. at one point it became routine to skip school once a week every week.

but i guess, the blame does not lie in the system i am in. rather it lies with me - my lack of self-discipline. i cannot say i am not motivated, because there has to be some motivation in me to push me to study, albeit last minute, for important exams.

just not long ago i thought i found a way to be more disciplined, and now i'm starting to think i thought wrong. actually it isn't even a way, it's like a sudden 'click', like an eureka! i really wonder do i really have no self-discipline?

initially i thought, no, definitely not. but as soon as i asked myself this question: 'then why am i so perplexed about not having it?'

perhaps i do, just that there is some stronger force suppressing the self-discipline in me.

whatever the reason. i know i've got to make use of this recess to catch up with the stuff covered in my modules.

note to self: one thing i need to tell myself is to make sure i don't get sucked into the humdrum of doing things that are unfulfilling and practically waste my time away. i need to stop and pause more often, instead of just wasting my time away doing nothing at all.