i wish to start this entry with a quote from 2 Corinthians 5.7,

'we live by faith, not by sight.'

ok this update is for jacq, and whoever else still reads this blog of mine. i'm still alive, i'm still happy w whatever God has blessed me with, and i still have not applied to nus. today's the first day i took 2 driving lessons, one at 12.45pm and another at 4.40pm. i was so so mad after the first lesson, because 1 - the instructor kept on stepping on the brake and i could sense he had the intention of passing me on 1 subject only, 2 - i drove terribly because of 1. somehow we (was w ming) found out that we could remove instructors from our fixed set of instructors, so we'll never get them again. which was pretty good news to me and ming, and i'm thankful that the supervisor was quite understanding, or at least he appeared to be. i made it a point not to swear after the lesson, i was just babbling stuff because i was truly mad, but at no point did i curse at that poor fellow, i'm glad i did not. i wish to say this, i prayed, surprisingly, i did, and my next lesson, it went really well.

i've learnt 1 really important thing after getting my As. and that is to leave everything in God's hands when everything seems so bleak and gloomy. did i mention that i was so angry with him after many of my A level papers, angry with my:

1) chem pract
2) bio pract
3) bio paper 2
4) math paper 1

in case you're wondering whether they were just minor slip-ups, nah they weren't, for chem pract my reading for 1 titration was totally off, rushed through my kinetics and was left scratching my head whether my ans were accurate. bio was worst, and math too, when everyones paper seemed fine and dandy, i was just shaking my head in despair.

and i was so angry at myself for all the above too, and also for my bio options paper. i'm not sure whether i wrote about them, but my angst was just so so much. then there was gp too, where my essay truly sucked shit, i don't think i ever felt so scared and cancelled so much with what i wrote, it was probably one of my worst pieces ever. i don't think i ever told anyone this, but i very nearly cried when i was telling this person how my gp paper went, that was the extent to how it affected me. yes yes, i'm so bloody weak, though i appear strong, and i'm not afraid to say this, cos my strength doesn't come from me, but it comes from Christ my Saviour, and i hope it will always be the case. despite all these, i'm glad i didn't do that badly, despite how bleak everything looked. what i'm trying to say is, no matter what the outcome is, even if i had gotten grades with C, D and Es, God will be there no matter what, for me, and for anyone who believes.

i shall end with a quote, from Matthew 6, verses 28 to 30,

"and why worry about clothes? look how the wild flowers grow: they do not
work or make clothes for themselves. but i tell you that not even king solomon
with all his wealth had clothes as beautiful as one of these flowers. it is God
who clothes the wild grass - grass that is here today and gone tomorrow, burned
up in the oven. won't he be all the more sure to clothe you? what little faith
you have!"