hermit crab

i think i expect a lot from my friends. i don't know why, and i can't help it. maybe i should not expect so much, since i myself am not a very good friend to begin with. and, the friends i expect a lot are (obviously) the closer friends.

crap, just got pang-sehed twice in two days by the same friend. i know she has her reasons, just that i can't help but feeling irritated. no, i don't hate you, in case you're reading this, i'm just citing the example that provoked this post.

i really hate the way i react to things at times. it's like sometimes i can be so indifferent, and other times i'm really so sensitive. it's like i'm so whimsical, oh goodness i fcuking hate that.

anyway back to the topic, i think to the people i'm really nice to, that don't seem to reciprocate my genuine niceness towards them. so i concluded i should stop being so fcuking nice and get trampled all over. it's like human nature to not 'do unto' what the other person does to you, kindness never gets reciprocated, or hardly at least.

it's sad how it has come to this, but i'm a hermit crab. i'm so easily hurt that i've got to find a shell to hide in, albeit not my own... 'once bitten, twice shy', how apt to say that of me.

but, i'm not going to be casual to everyone, there are still some rare nice friends i have, and it just feels 'right' to do unto them what they do unto me. i'm a softie, and that's why i'm a hermit crab.

i hope i make sense.