this is the post where i speak about death.

death is something that is so evident in our world, yet it is hardly talked about, or even brought up. it can be said to be taboo in virtually every society. yet, we all know we will have to face it in the end.

as i was attending mr john lim and his wife's funeral service just now, one thought that came into my head was, what would people say about me after my death? and how i would actually like to die. firstly, i do hope that everyone i know, one way or another would come to my memorial service, at least my death could bring about a gathering of old friends and even colleagues. most importantly, i would like to have time to prepare for my death, because right now, i know i'm not near ready. i still have a lot of things to do, not the kind of 'i haven't enjoyed life yet' or 'i still want to see more of the world' but it's something more spiritual and emotional that i have to deal with, before i do go.

interestingly, death though solely yours to deal with alone, you have completely no control of when and how you'll pass on. i think i've said this before, death cuts people off someway, somehow. it's how you look at it, taking the catholic/ christian point of view, death only cuts you off temporarily, for somehow you'll meet again in heaven.

even with that said, memorial services will always cause tears glands to be overly stimulated. the people i know, just couldn't hold back their tears, even me, someone who hardly succumbs to letting my tears fall. especially when the photos of him and his wife were shown, there was no way of holding back, because you are stridently reminded that he is no longer with us physically. i believe though, that his spirit will continue to touch all that have known him, similarly for his wife.

anyway the christian way of worshipping seems enticing. somehow i feel that i should let Christ more into my life, and it seems hard with the catholic way of worship. i've always wanted to try attending a christian church service, but haven't really got the guts to, especially if i go to some small church, people will immediately notice you're new there and you'll be introduced to the small congregation. ok, i attended one before, but the service was in chinese, so it didn't really help, i still vaguely remember singing 'to God be the Glory' in chinese, of which i only knew how to sing a pathetic one line.