my friend asked me, 'you really bent on going overseas is it?' or something along those lines. the deadline for applications to the uk is the 15 of october, which is onyl a few days away. i think what's making me contemplate so much is the sheer cost of funding my education abroad. i calculated, it'll probably cost my parents 300++ k, obviously not a small amount. -sigh-

should i just apply for the sake of applying? for all you know i might not get it... all those rich kids, with predicted 4As, and the best prediction i think i can get is ABB, oh bugger. maybe if i'm so lucky i might get into nus? in my dreams eh? however, i still believe that if i've really meant to be one, i will, no matter how the odds are stacked against me.

right now i don't even think i can get ABB. as for 3As? it's pretty out of sight though i still dream of it (note: dream). someone jolt me back into reality please?

back to integration, after a lousy failed nap. if i'm desperate i'll just go visit the novena sq doctor and ask him/ her to prescribe some ativan for me. maybe i need some make-me-smart-overnight pills, cos i think i seriously overrated my capabilities like a certain bong friend of mine. i was thinking, even if i do get ABB or AAB, no one would be that that surprised, i'm serious... but i rather that happened:

'oh you know the kid who has potential but just never unleashed it? she did well you know?'

the obvious tone would not be one of surprise, just one of: 'hehe, you finally woke up from your dream eh? glad for you...'

pam: maybe i'll fly to the states and do some life science course, and you can become a structurally sound engineer, and i the mad scientist? after that, maybe i'll pursue my doctor dream, funded from the profits of some minor discovery i made. and i'm sure we can go out for coffee/ tea everyday there... and maybe we'll open a restaurant together too?

dreams... tsk tsk