i feel so relieved, 2 heavy prelim papers done, yipeeee! feels super good, can only envisage a little of how good i'll feel after my As... just hope the happiness will last, not the temporal kind (actually happiness is temporal but you'll get my point) but the kind that will continue till i get my results. the kind of happiness where i know i have given it my best shot, and not only cos it's over.

one thing i've been wanting to write. to all those out there who thinks i'm one hell of a secret mugger, thanks eh for your compliment, i wish... you know there are those people, actually lots of them around who'll go around proclaiming to the entire world that they didn't study, but in reality they know their work inside out, outside in? i detest and look down upon them... like, if you DID study, be proud of yourself, not many people can mug like shit 24 7 you know. if you don't want people to know you mug, just don't proclaim that you do! i mean, it's very obvious if you do study, like you cannot achieve an A grade without studying... unless you're some genius, and that's like limited to .0001% of our population? no way man, our exams are not logic based, you have to have some substance in order to do well, no input equates to no output, you gotta put in something...

you know if i successfully attain mugger status i'll boldly proclaim it to the world! maybe not in this blog but at least people will know. don't be afraid of what people will think if they knew you mugged like fcuk but still didn't get As, maybe you just mugged hard wrongly, or something went wrong. true friends won't mock you, as for those bystanders, they'll probably won't know how much effort you've put it. besides if the friends in your clique know you're like mugging intensely they'll be spurred to mug too! it's like an infectious thing i guess...

oh ya, my math today was the worst math paper i've ever did, i'll be euphoric if i hit 20/100, i am dead serious... i was thinking to myself, i'm such a loser, letting my a math grade in the Os get me down... give up on my math, don't give a shit about it, why?? cos i was afraid of failure... i wanted to give myself a solid excuse for not doing well - not practicing, juxtaposed to having practiced like shit but just getting a b3 cos of a major screwup. still it was the grade that mattered, it didn't matter how good i was in reality, all that mattered was that 2 1hr30min papers (can't remember the exact duration).

bitter, stark reality.

anyway i hope i can get an e or d for chem. not that it was fantastic, just that it's the only subject i can get an a level pass in...