i keep thinking:

'is it worth it working so hard for subjects like gp, chinese, getting an A for service for PEARLS and a good SAT score?'

really, if i've done all the above and with say 3As for A-levels and fail to get shortlisted for the interview, then all that above would be in vain.

gp is a subject i'm struggling with, i wish they'll just give me a poem and let me 'read between the lines' and crap stuff out instead of stupid compre passages and essays which i seem to not grasp the essence of scoring well in both. my teacher claims that lit is largely related to gp and i can't see the link! like, right... i got a bloody A1 for lit okay, by just mugging the night before i assure you, and i've always been not bad at it even in ij, so is this lit flair that i have just chilled cold during gp, maybe man... i don't know what the hell is wrong with my linguistic ability.

so should i just focus on my bloody 3 subs cos no matter what i should be able to pass my darn gp and maybe chinese and get an above average score for SAT and fly away to say uk or aussie, instead of trying so so hard to get into a creme de la creme course in nus? maybe man... largely maybe.

and still i find myself contemplating... maybe i'll contemplate right to the end of the year, cos i darn well want to get into nus... but if i don't all i can do is feel so darn sorry for my sorry self.