expectations

some people thrive on them, some love it and perform best with it. i, however am the opposite. i grimace at the word, take a particular line a teacher wrote in my essay for example, 'this is disappointing, i was expecting better'. i still remember how i felt when i read her remark, i felt really bad, really sorry that i let her down in passing up that piece of slipshod work. it's quite the same about lots od things, like people expecting me to be there for them, etc. i find it sometimes, very very hard even to live up to the most simple of expectations. it's like a major stress factor in me, even i push expectations upon myself and find that i can't handle it, it's too pressurising that i just break somehow.

it's the same for loads of shit, like friendships, schoolwork, sports and all. expectations is my real enemy in my quest for excellence. and the ironic part is that i thrive on attention at times, sheesh, and it's hard to get attention without the expectation part right? if only there can be an equilibrium of both, that would be picture perfect, unfortunately, the world we live in is sadly not at an equilibrium to begin with and neither is my life.