lavender

everything is constantly changing. the people around you, relationships, the environment that surrounds you, right down to the air you breathe. i guess change is inevitable and i'm not saying it's bad, it's just that sometimes it's hard to adapt to change. sometimes changes are so constant that it tires you out... you know it takes a lot to adapt to change, especially when it is emotionally consuming.

sometimes i wish for you and me, and for all my friends, we could just go back to the past, like time just stayed still. no, i don't want to move on... then again, you have to consider the present options, the new friendships forged, but are they at the expense of the old ones? i certainly think so... it seemed that i took some friendships too lightly, like a kite, i let it fly too far, and maybe to a point of no return. i really don't know why you're affecting me so much. i still rem what you told me, that i was worth more than your stead... has that changed? does our friendship still mean that much to you? i'm not implying that this strained relationship is your fault, it's mine too... in fact, i think we gave in at the wrong time, in terms of commitance and cherishing it. i don't know what to say... i've been keeping this article in mind, that a friendship somehow just died off, a very good friendship further more. i thought maybe our friendship has reached its shelf life (if ever there was one). and thus thought it would be okay if someday we're just reduced to mere acquaintances but it isn't okay. especially when i have the time to actually think and reminsce. i can't remember exact details with you, but i know we spent a lot of time together, thinking of it, the memories do come flowing back... tuition, walking around aimlessly at orchard, the list goes on... and on and on.

i don't wish to believe that article is real anymore. because i know for a fact i don't take our friendship lightly, i thought i could somehow, but i can't. somehow friends mean a lot to me, much more than i realise, especially you. just now when i msged you on msn, you just seemed like one of those acquaintences, a simple hi and no more back from you, and asking how you were you merely answered 'so so'. maybe i'm reading too much into it... but is that a crime? there is a reason for me doing that... why? 'cos you're worth me caring...

i miss you loads... i'm scared too meet you 'cos i fear we have nothing to talk about, i daren't call you in case there'll just be silence over the other side. why do i fear so much? why can't i just call or ask you out and let it materialise. geez... i don't know whether you're even gonna read this. you've changed i know... so have i. for better for worst, i seriously don't care... okay maybe i do, but as long as you're the friend i know, that's enough, that will suffice. really, it will.

look at the title. read it, look into it, you know who you are.. maybe i should have sent you a mail, instead of posting it in this blog of mine (which i have no idea whether you still visit). if you do, drop me a mail or just sms...